Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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