i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
