i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
