Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize