I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
