i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
