This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
