We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
