Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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