I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
