Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
