I wanna bring you to show and tell
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's always time for handjobs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
