Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
