I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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