Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
