he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
