Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
