Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
