How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize