i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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