i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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