You can't special order awesome
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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