Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
