you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize