so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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