This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
