she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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