Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
