You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize