OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
