I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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