She's like a pop up book from hell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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