Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
