And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
