Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
