my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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