Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so let's talk penis.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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