Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
