her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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