is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
