im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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