i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize