Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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