Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize