all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
