I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize