I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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