You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
