farters have to be the big spoon...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
