Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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