i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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