All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize