I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
