I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
