u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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