The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
