I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
