I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Alive.
So much puke
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
