You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
