Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My feet surprised me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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