apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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