I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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