I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize