...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
