Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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