Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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