I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
