her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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