There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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