yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cannot find my penis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
