i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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