why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
