haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
