...so i touched it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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