so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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