I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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