okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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