i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
