Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
