I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
