I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
