i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
