She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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