I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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