Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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