I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize