I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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