TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
