I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
