Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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