I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
