shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
