I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
