So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
