so explain again why im purple
no
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We are all done wearing pants today
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
