She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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