So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
