if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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