she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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