And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Four minutes until I can fart!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
