Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
