i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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