Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
