"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
