I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
do nipples grow back?
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