that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
