I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
